May 17, 10:16pm
Just got in the car after a long day at work.
A chillax song is playing on the radio.
And my stomach is grumbling. I have not eaten dinner yet because I need to balance my petty cash savings deficit of P1,300.
Executing a plan feels oddly mechanical, because the thinking and feeling parts were done during the very quick planning proper phase.
For instance, on Saturday early mornings, I lay down all my to-dos. Then for the rest of the weekend, I trudge through all those tasks. Fortunately or unfortunately it’s the kind of system that gets me to work. Even resting is planned, and/or rationalized to be part of the plan. Ex: I should sleep early tonight so I could get up and work early tomorrow morning. All actions are geared toward achieving the most optimal life. Further, there is an eerie desire to calculate everything to attain the best use of time, scarcest resource of humanity.
It’s official: I have imbibed the economist’s spirit.
Then I daydream about efficient movements when I get home: wash baon in kitchen sink, eat, wash face, brush teeth.
What a fucken freaky daydream.
I am scaring myself.